Bestfriend

I talked to someone lately, a past few months dah lah actually (after my breakup). We don't talk everyday but we have promised to be there for each other in any circumstances. He is my bestfriend. Knew each other since early of this year and get closed after few weeks. Don't have any feelings towards him since I was a girlfriend of someone and I knew he was deeply in love with this one girl. We've spent so much times with each other. Study, going to class, lunch, dinner, going to mart to buy some junkfoods, heart to heart conversation about each other problems at 12 pm onwards at the bus stop, every.single.thing. we did it all tgether. I have never realize that he is important to me, not after I left Kuching for my internship in my town, Miri. I've missed him so much I could cry..and there goes my stupid side, asked him who am i to him. So that's how everything changed.

"I couldnt put it in words but you are something to me. You are important to me. You know, I am not an expressive, I keep all on my own. If you are nothing to me, I won't spent almost of my times during our final semester with you. I won't keep all your selfies and our pictures in my phone and see it when I have times. If I don't have a feelings for you why do I still keep our conversation from the beginning until now? And you was once someone's girlfriend Ba. I keep telling myself to not be selfish and I try so hard to keep this feeling to myself. Ba, please don't worry too much, you have my words. I swear. I miss you"



i fall in love with my bestfriend.

almost there

My internship will ends in two more weeks, i mean this week is my 2nd last week of internship. Do you know how happy I am rn? Someone is counting days to meet me, how can I be so sad to end this internship? I have no time to be sad about leaving my practical training place since I am counting the days to meet him, too.

almost there, almost there...i miss you 

Everyone kept saying to me “time heals all wounds.” At first I just couldn’t bring myself to believe them. But after a while, I started to feel like they might be right. I observed many of my friends who had been abruptly been broken up with just like me and they were all doing fine now.

I began to feel to feel a sense of hope that I might be doing fine one day as well. And now I am. It’s still a work in progress and I still feel pain sometimes, but I see the light at the end of this very dark tunnel.

So I just want to thank you for breaking my heart. If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t know what it’s like to hit rock bottom and then pick myself up from there. If I didn’t know how it feels to reach my lowest point, I wouldn’t fully understand how strong I am. Thank you for crushing me. Now I realize that I had lost myself in you. Now I can focus on getting myself back to the incredible and single person I was before I was even been in a relationship. Thank you for making me see the beauty in this breakdown.

At the same time, thank you for the love that you gave me. If you had never loved me, I wouldn’t know how beautiful life is. You added so many colors to my world. For the first time in my life, I understood every love song, every smile and every blue sky. Love makes life worth living and without you I would have never known how true that is. This entire heartbreak wouldn’t have hurt so badly if we didn’t love each other so passionately. We didn’t end on bad terms and maybe someday we’ll reunite but for now, I just want to thank you for helping me see the splendor in this cruel world.

So thank you for giving me this remarkable experience of loving and losing. I’ve never felt more emotions in my entire life. I’ve also never felt more accomplished. I think a part of me will always love you. But I know that every part of me will forever feel grateful that you loved me, broke my heart and showed me what I’m really made of.